


Lover's spit

by spectacularsam



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: M/M, Sex, Shinji ikari - Freeform, Yaoi, ass eating, dont like don't read, dont take this seriously, kaworu nagisa - Freeform, rim jobs, that means boy/boy, the Beatles mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4065613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectacularsam/pseuds/spectacularsam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carl and Shaun I mean Kaworu and Shinji find love in a hopeless place</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kiss my ass and my anus

Shinji was yet again wailing in his room. He had so many issues such as his Oedipus complex and undiagnosed manic depression.   
Suddenly a gay angel boy entered Shinji's domain. He was albino as fuck and had a package like wow.   
Shinji blushed through his tears and went through a gay panic.   
"Yes. I am kaworu." The homo angel said.  
Shinji almost shit himself. The albino's voice was like Nicki Minaj's verse in Flawless.  
"H-hello." Shinji stuttered in such a way that he knew if his dad heard, he would glare and make Shinji feel inadequate. "I'm Shinji."   
"Mmmm. The second child."   
Shinji blushed.  
"Ever listen to La Dispute?"  
Shinji shook his head.   
"Come to my place and I'll play you an album and probably definitely give you head." Kaworu winked with his red angel eyes.   
Shinji jumped to his shota boy feet. "Of course!"   
Gay angel man kaworu took Shinji in his big yaoi hands (obviously the seme). "Come with me." There were roses and sparkles around their faces as they embraced and looked into each other's shota boy eyes.  
Kiss Kiss Fall in Love started playing (the Japanese version not the English cover) and Shinji swore he heard Tamaki Souh's (our lord and savior) in his head whispering "homosexual supporting cast" silly Tamaki-sama, Shinji is a protagonist who is dark haired and feeble and falls for the doomed white haired anime boy.  
Kaworu's lips were pink and dangerously close to Shinji's puckered pout. (Puckered just like his asshole that will later be penetrated). They leaned into each other. Their eyes drooped, ready to shut and just feel their impending kiss.  
Just as those tender anime boy lips were about to meet and greet each other, Gendo (Shinji's awful father) swagged on in. He was glaring as always.  
"Shinji you gay disappointment." He sighed and left.   
When he was left alone with Kaworu, Shinji muttered. "Stop bi erasure, dad."  
Later Kawoshin fucked as La Dispute played in the background. "I think I saw you in my sleep darling" blasted through Shinji's Walkman. Kaworu-kun rammed his glorious meat wand into Shinji's puckered hole to the beat of the song. After that Kaworu bust a nut and spewed baby batter all over Shinji's new Chuck Taylor's.   
Shinji cried after like he usually did. Kaworu left to go make an omelette du fromage. Shinji felt his kokoro go doki doki. Was this love? Was this what it felt like? But how? They were both guys? Shinji frowned through his uke shota boy tears that bubbled up and floated for a bit until they finally made it down his bishounen features just like Miyazaki intended.   
Kaworu came back. "Je t'aime, mon ami. Je vraiment suis né pour vous recontrer. Hon hon hon." He shoved the omelette consensually down his throat.   
Shinji scarfed it down like a bird caw caw motherfuckers.   
"Bien." Said Shinji and then went back to speaking in Japanese. "Kaworu, you make my- my heart beat beat."   
Kaworu had rose petals swarming around him as if him himself were Tamaki Souh and Shinji was Haruhi Fujioka. And they really were the love interests in his anime but also the homosexual supporting cast.   
They chastely kissed like Romero and Juliet. But only one of them was going to die.  
"Kaworu." Shinji cleared his throat that was still coated in kaworu's unborn children. "Could I play you my Beatles mix tape?"  
"The Beatles fucking suck, Shinji." Kaworu turned his head away, luscious albino locks flowing after him.  
"N-no." Shinji cried. "I love john lemons."   
"Shinji, I thought I could trust you. You might as well tell me that you are also into fight club and good will hunting."  
Shinji's eyes grew like kaworu's dong did right before they frick fracked. "Nonni?"  
"Those are fuckboy qualities."   
Shinji cried again.   
"Just fucking eat my ass already." Kaworu narrowed his bishonen eyes.   
Shinji cried again and frowned deeply truely madly. "I just had an omelette."   
"Can u make room for my anus or?" Kaworu pondered as he stroked the Walkman still playing the sacred La Dispute.   
Shinji nodded as a final Miyazaki approved tear fell down his face like the hopes and dreams of fangirls when zayn finally left one direction. He joyously ate ass like he had been starving and had to eat ass to survive. Ass game too strong. Shinji the ass man. Kaworu screamed his name like the angel Rammiel. Meaning it was so loud that Shinji's ears started bleeding. Yet onward, he ate ass.   
"Toss my salad like his name romain." Kaworu began spitting out some verses from anaconda.   
Shinji's heart suddenly went out for his homeboy drake and he began to cry.   
Kaworu came many ounces all over Shinji's extended edition copy of The Princess Bride.   
"I love you." Shinji whispered into Kaworu's moist asshole.   
Kaworu came again at those sweet three words, this time it was all over Shinji's box set of The Twilight Saga.  
"Shinji-kun." Kaworu sighed. "Let's go vape and look up Pepe the frog memes."  
Shinji fingered his own asshole and nodded. The two queers vaped up some THC. While high, they ate more ass and cuddled.


	2. The Beginning of the END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmm hm hmmmmmm hm

Some time passed and Shinji became hormonal and scared. He then realized that he was smack dab in the middle of a fucking mpreg fic. The pregnancy test whispered it to him itself. Shinji put a cautious hand over his stomach. At least he was 18+ because the author of the fic would never write about pornagraphic happenstances between underage boys. He was an adult and would have to take on these adult responsibilities.   
Kaworu would stay as he always did. True love would prevail.  
Then the author started thinking about mpreg as a genre in general. Why? Are they implying that the pregnant male is trans? Have I just wrote an au where Shinji is a trans boy? Will that piss people off? I sure hope so, thought the author alone in her room at 1 in the morning snuggled up next to her cat and typing this on her phone.   
I love Shinji no matter what. Thought the author and Shinji heard it and quivered at the strange disembodied voice narrating his life. Then the author made Shinji and Kaworu get married. Eloped more like it, in a chapel in Vegas. They both wore gowns to battle traditional gender roles just as they battled angel in giant ass robot machines that are also original humans or something because they bleed and they aren't even robots just the armor that protects them are man made and the rest isn't it's like some otherworldly being I think I'm still confused about end of evangelion tbh.   
Shinji kissed Kaworu with all the passion in the world that would soon end because that's what would happen.   
Shinji eventually gave birth soon after to... *spins wheel* guY FIERI?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me

**Author's Note:**

> Smoke weed erryda y


End file.
